2005....yawn...oh, it's over?

Ok, for me personally, 2oo5 wasn't a real exciting year.

I guess you know that if you have read my blog. (Ahem...this blog, the one I started in July...ya know...these words on the black background? Yep, it's my blog.)

I did get to see my son outside of hospitals (long story...another time please). We had fun visits, lots of hugs and talking and just spending good time together. Wonderful :) And, I did (and will continue to) spend a lot of time with Mom. I love that woman.

There was also a trip to the ocean. Surf, sand and lots of life guards.....(did someone turn up the heat?). Let's see...what else? Oh...written road rage. My invention. Better than stopping the jeep and smacking someone upside the head. I admitted to the world that I use the "F" word. Yes, that one. I discovered that I am a lustful old wench (and the tradition continues...), who wouldn't mind being a Diva just once in her life. I found a vagina online while blogging at work. In living color. Just made my whole day (coughchokegasp). And I made one major huge gigantic change to my blog...I removed the ' in the title. It took me months to get over that criticism (I have told you about my sarcastic side haven't I?). I got brave and posted a tribute to my Father that I wrote a few years ago. And, I didn't edit it like the local paper did when they ran it.

I told you all about the ceiling falling, the bathroom with red while and blue shag carpeting (there has been no bonfire...yet) and the struggles of living with two men (one of whom still calls me his "girlfriend" after 7 years - Do you have any idea of the looks I get when he does this? I am 51 now forgodssake! I am not a "girl"!!)

I suddenly have an urge to sing WOMAN! W-O-M-A-N!

ohshit...did I say I am 51?? Arrgh! I admitted it. Yes, (crying softly here) I turned 51 three weeks ago (sobbing violently now....)

2005 - its coming to an end.

2006? It's gotta be better. It has to be. Please? Please? Oh come on, ya gotta let it be better!

I guess we'll see won't we? Happy New Year :)

2005...slip sliding away

This time of year, as many others do, I look back at the year and see what I've accomplished and at all the changes that have taken place in my life. I also look at what I want to accomplish in the coming year.

And sometimes I think...ahhell, it's just another day.

Resolutions? I normally don't make them. Why lie to myself? However this year is different...I started a blog and now I have some resolutions.

I resolve, in 2006 to never have popups, music or advertisements on my blog. I also resolve to never beg for money to keep my blog going. I resolve to not even attempt to make money through my writing. (Now, if a miracle happened and someone offered me money to write I don't think I'd refuse it!!) And, I will not attempt to sell you anything.

Nope, ain't gonna do it.

Those are resolutions I know I can keep. I write about things I know. I write about my life and the people in it. And, if along the way I can make you smile - then I've done my job.

It amazes me that since I've started this little blog that it's had over 5,000 views. Ohhhh I know, some people get thousands a day. But from the comments I've received, I've made a few people smile. That makes me feel good :) (see! a smile from me!)

I'm hoping soon to have new adventures to write about as we are headed to Miami the end of January! (yes! yes! the ocean! sand surf and cabana boys! hotdamn!) I will have more stories about Mom and my son. And, without doubt I will have more stories of the stupid and crazy situations I get myself caught up in....but that's my life.

So, to those in 2005 that have brought love and laughter into my life - thank you from the bottom of my heart. To my friends and family - you are forever in my heart.

And to those who read my thoughts, may this new year bring you all much love, great health and tons of happiness.

Christmas is over.....

Another one has come and gone. Christmas that is.

Now the bill paying begins.

I keep saying that I will not use credit cards at Christmas...but it never quite works out that way. So, I will pay them off quickly. Or I should say as quickly as I can. Depends on how much money that child of mine will be needing in January.

Yes, I help my child, in every way I can. So shoot me.

Anyway...

It's now the week between holidays and I am off work (big HOTDAMN! inserted here). I actually slept til after 8am today. Well, not counting when the roomie was up rummaging through the house getting ready to go to his office...and my son calling me at 6:20 (he forgot I don't work this week). But I went back to sleep :) (yes - that is a smile)

Santa was pretty good to me actually. I got a 19" flat panel monitor for my puter :) (yes another smile!). I can almost see things without my glasses now. Almost. And, I got a 200gig hard drive to install on my puter. It will come in handy for all my graphics, photos and house design files that I just hate to delete...ever.

However, there is a story behind the hard drive....

The roomie asked one evening what I wanted for Christmas. I had no reply actually...didn't know what to ask for as I never know how much he wants to spend. But, the next morning as I was getting ready for work I had the insert from the hard drive I bought my son in my purse so I could send in for a rebate. I must have taken it out while looking for my car keys and forgot it... He found it and took it as a hint. He then proceeded to throw it away (along with the $60 of rebates I could get).

Ta-da! I got a 200gig hard drive.

I am not complaining. I will get plenty of use out of it. However, the $60 rebate could have paid off one of those little credit card bills. ohwell... Or, I could have bought an additional ram chip to throw in this booger too. ohwell again. But, it's ok - he meant well.

So, after I get the credit cards paid off - well, I'll just have to use them again to buy the ram :)

Merry Christmas!

Here's wishing everyone a wonderful Christmas and the greatest New Year!

Thank's to everyone who has taken the time to read my blog. And to those who have posted comments - Thank you so much. I appreciate the kind words.

Merry Christmas!

The week before Christmas and all through my life...

Nothing is calm and life is full of strife...

Ok, so I'm not a poet. Shoot me. Please.

Actually this last week has been one of a lot of ups and downs.

Ups? I went to Michigan this past weekend and spend time with my son :) I got plenty of son hugs and kisses. We watched some funny movies, talked and talked, upgraded his PC (thanks to some presents his ole Mom gave him for Christmas). We just had a good time. Relaxing. And, again we said we can not and will not go so long between visits. I miss that child. A part of my heart stays in Michigan when I leave there. A big part. I love you kiddo.

Work has been hell. Spent a major part of last week working on everyone's computers installing netphone and showing them how to use it (after I taught myself). The boss also gave me her credit card to buy some new equipment we need...flashbacks to my years and years as a purchasing agent. I did good though - saved enough by buying from one company instead of another that it paid for one scanner. But now? The equipment is in and needs installed. I have 5 scanners to set up, two printer/copier/fax machines to set up and 10 PC's to upgrade with more ram. Not bad really, except I also have a TON of data work to do to prepare for year end. Our end of year stats can not be run until I get this done and I now have 3 days to do it and all the installation work.

Is that another gray hair?? ohhell...whats one more...

Phoenix. Well the Fiesta Bowl trip went to hell in a hand basket. The man who was going to sell us the tickets decided a week later (after we made flight reservations - non refundable of course) that he wanted $1500 a seat. I don't think so. (growlgrumblecursecurse) So the roomie got his ex-wife (who does travel arrangements) to call Delta today pretending to be me and cancelled the trip. So now we have $1500 in an account with Delta to use within the next year... (coughcough..yeah right)...

Ok fine...except now I will be stuck in this house next week when I am off work. And its winter. And this house does not have a working furnace. Space heaters sit everywhere. Why you ask? Don't. I gave up asking questions a long time ago.

Oh alright...back to the Ups... shopping is almost done. Only one more gift to buy and I am finished. Now I just have wrapping to do. Oh, and we have to finish the tree. The roomie finally got it yesterday and we started decorating it last night.

The roomie did get me a very nice necklace for my birthday. Not sure what type of stone it is ...sandstone maybe? He got it at my favorite store, Kokopelli's. He did good.

The rest of this week will be hectic. Grocery shopping, laundry, decorating, cooking, wrapping...work and more work at the office.

Maybe I will get to sleep late one morning next week. Please Santa? Can I ? Pretty please?

She changed my outlook of life with just a few words...

The sun was shining brightly yesterday. It was my birthday. I went to visit the one person that I know can always make me smile. My Mother.

My Mom is 82, a little tiny greek woman. She has suffered the loss of two children and her husband of 48 years. She has had four strokes, and earlier this year had two surgeries for breast cancer.

Yet, she always has a smile and looks at life with a smile. She said her radiation treatments were fun! She loved going there and meeting all the people, sharing their pain and lives.

As we were in the car together, eating her favorite popcorn chicken from Lee's...I asked her what she wants for Christmas. Her response was deep, and from the heart.

"I want to live at least one more year."

I had to pull the car over to the side of the road. We hugged and cried. I told her if I could I would give her another 82 years.

She says there is so much yet she wants to do and see. She wants to live to see my son grow, marry and have babies of his own. She has grandbabies that she wants to watch grow.

She wants to see the ocean.

THAT I am going to do my best to do for her this spring. I remember my first time seeing the ocean. I stood there and stared. It was the most amazing sight. And, I want her to experience that feeling. And, I want to be there to share it with her.

If this is to be her last year I want to fill it with new experiences for her. I want her to see things and do things she never thought she would or could do. I want her to feel the love that she has given to so many in return.

She told me a while back, that when it's her time she will go quietly. But, she will always be here with me when I need her. I know she will be, she always has been.

I know I can't give her more time, but I can give her the best time that she does have.

I will do my best. And I will give her the love she has given me my whole life. We will cry together and we will share laughter.

And she will continue to teach me about life.

Tomorrow....

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Big freaking whoop.

My boy will call. He will tell me he loves me. Thats a wonderful gift. Truly.

I will go and see my Mom and she will give me hugs and kisses. Those will be more wonderful gifts. Can never get enough Mom hugs.

I'm not sure the roomie even remembers what tomorrow is.

I don't know why I am so sad. I shouldn't be. My son and mother love me and tell me and show me. It should be enough.

Shouldn't it?

I feel so empty, so alone.

I try so hard to fill the time, and my mind, with other things. I design homes, I play with paint shop pro, I throw myself into my job. Yet, there is something missing.

Love from someone besides my son and mother? Maybe.

Love for myself? Maybe.

What happened to that independent woman? Where did she go?

She is still here, I just know it. I just need to find her again.

Happy Birthday to me.

Saturday night ramblings...

Ok, I really hate the new Victoria Secret commercial. I am not, nor have I ever been 6 ft. tall and weighed 110 lbs. and my boobs are real (what there is left of them....). There is no bra, panties or garter belt that will ever make me look like those girls.

Sigh...

I have lost weight in the last two weeks. I've walked up and down 50,000 stairs, carried large heavy objects (not the roomie - I am not superwoman). The office where I work moved. I have carried computers and monitors and battery backups. I have wired cubicles. I have gone up and down the spiral staircase until I have gotten dizzy. And, I've had no time to eat.

So, I am on my way to finally losing that 10 lbs.

:)

The roomie decided last week that we are going to Phoenix the end of the month. We will be attending the Fiesta Bowl. His brother got the tickets and it will be fun. We went in 2001 and had a great time. The roomie is hoping that it will be Notre Dame and Ohio State. Although I live just 60 miles from Columbus, I've never attended a game. I can't wait to see the half time show. The Best Damn Band in the Land :)

Airline tickets for the trip are another story. But after spending 20,000 hrs online searching - we have reservations. Airfare has gone through the roof. $650 each to fly out and back???? ThankGodI'mnotpayingforit.

:)

I have a birthday next weekend. Not sure anyone here remembers. Ohwell. At least I get a day off work. (One good thing about the job.) No, I am not going to tell you how old I will be. Let's just say I am well old enough to have a 23 yr old son, yet young enough to still want to have fun .

:)

I have a good start on my Christmas shopping (yes, I said Christmas - not Holiday!). The roomies son is finished, I got a few things for the roomie too. I got a new hard drive and 1 gig of ram for my son's puter and a couple sweaters for him...so far. I am burning brain cells trying to figure out what to get my Mom. So tomorrow I will take her out and see if I can get some ideas. I am trying desperately to get in the spirit of the holiday. So far it isn't working. It doesn't help that the roomie hasn't gone to the storage place and gotten the tree or decorations. Guess I'll have to put a sign out front for Santa. "Sandy lives here...bring gifts."

:)