If looks could kill.....

I would be dead...and probably burning in hell right now.

And it all started with a trip to Walmart.

Geesh.

I noticed Saturday while rolling Mom's chair around to get her in the Jeep that, once again, I have a nail in one of my rear tires.

Arrrghhhh

I have no idea when I did it, and it seems to be holding air ok, so I took her home and decided I would get it fixed later. So yesterday I started calling around and realized not too many places are open on Sundays that do that kind of thing (duh me). Then it hit me - Walmart sells tires, wonder if they fix them? I called. "Yes we do", he said "bring it on over!" So I did, as I was on my way to my sisters to visit my brother who is in from Wisconsin. Figured I'd stop, get it done and not have to take any time off work this week.

Little did I know that a saintly little old woman would be working the counter. She seemed nice enough until....she asked my phone number.

I gave it to her after giving her my name. She looked at her little machine and then at me. "Oh, does it have another name coming up?" I asked. "Yes, it does" she stated very curtly. "Does it say (roomies name inserted here)?"....."Yes it does" she stated even MORE curtly. "Oh, I live with him" I said innocently.

FLAMES FROM HELL shot out of that womans eyes! I could feel the heat all the way to my toes!

"You what?" she asked.

"I live with him. And yes, we used to have sex, but not for about three years now. So, I figure I am revirginated and am no longer living in sin."

I thought she was gonna die right there on the spot.

So, with flaming eyes bearing down on me she continued to take my information....55,000 miles, Jeep Liberty, Dark Blue, 2002.

Then, she tells me there are 6 people ahead of me.

Do what? 6?? "And how long will that take?" I asked.

"Well, one needs 4 tires - thats about an hour. The next wants 2, thats about another 1/2 hour......."

"Excuse me, but just give me back my key. I'll have to do this later."

"But I've entered all your information!!" she exclaimed (rather loudly I might add).

"Well, you will just have to take it all back out. I can't wait that long."

"So you have more important things to do?" she asked.

By now I had just about had it with the hell fires burning from her eyes...

"Yes ma'am I do. I have a date with my new boyfriend and we have to meet in an hour because the man I live with will be calling me later and I want to get some hot steaming sweaty animal like sex in before he calls."

She handed me my keys. I walked out smiling.

Now...if only I had that boyfriend. Damn.