Getting older....

I think I am going through a mid-life crisis.

Whatever in the hell that means.

My father used to say "A 50something year old person can't be going through a mid-life crisis - because how many people actually live to be over 100 years old??

I feel like a teenager who is hitting that time in their life when they are trying to decide what they want to do for the rest of their life.

Confusion! Changes in appearance! Hormones running rampant!!

Good Lord! Do we actually revert to our teenage years?? Acck!

(Well, that could account for the acne I get on occasion.)

No, I don't want to run out and have affairs and act like I am 20something again. Nothing worse than a 50 year old woman dressing like a teenage girl and trying to act like one.

But, I am trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.

My job is ok. I do get some "validation" at times. Someone will thank me for helping them out of a jam, or I get government officials involved in a case to stop a bad person from taking advantage of someone else. Those validations mean a lot.

But in my personal life? Well, it's non-existent (with the exception of my child and Mom - they love me unconditionally thank God).

And now I think it's time I moved on to the next phase of my life.

A life without the roomie.

It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. It's not been an easy decision - I've been with this man for almost 8 years. But, I truly believe in my heart it's something I must do.

It's scary, yet exciting. I've lived on my own most of my life, so I know what to expect. Yes, it might be lonely at times - but I truly think being with someone and being lonely is far worse that being alone.

And, even though I am now a "mature" woman (hey...I'm not old yet!) there are many things I want to do and try. Things that I can not do here - I'm not allowed. (I won't go into detail, no point.)

Someday I may end up back in Michigan. My child wants me there. Not now though, I can't leave Mom. But someday I will be close to him again.

I want to wake up and smile at the sun shining in the window. I want to scrub floors that are mine, because I want to. If I don't want to cook and want to stop and pick up tacos on the way home....Well okay! I want to be able to spend time with people that mean a lot to me and not feel guilty for doing so.

I want to look in a mirror and like "me" again.

It's time for a change.

Mid-life crisis? Not sure, maybe...could be.

Nope...It's time for Sandy to have a life.