I want to run away...

Do you ever get the feeling where you just want to chuck it all and run away? Oh sure you do. Everyone gets that feeling once in a while.

Mine has lasted about the last 5 years.

I've never been one to be in with the "in" groups. Not even when I was young. I've always been the loner type (maybe that's why I still have this secret affection for the lone ranger - or it could just be that mask of his).

Today, all but a couple of us "peons" (I use the term affectionately because I truly do care about the other two ladies that were not included.) went out to lunch. One did ask me if I was going (not if I wanted to go, but she may have thought I'd been invited) just as they were walking out the door. I told her I didn't know where they were going. She just said "oh" and told me where they were going. I told her no thanks. This happens frequently at the office. And yes, it hurts. With all the other shit going on around the office right now and then the little cliques get together and just make it all the more enjoyable.

And, if you couldn't tell, its put me in a foul mood. And, its gotten me to thinking about other things...

The roomie. (Yes, I consider him a "thing" right now.) And, the fact that I am an idiot doesn't help my mood either. Again I don't fit the mold I guess. I'm not the type he wants to commit to obviously - even though we have been together over 9 years now. (Don't ask him how long - he will not know the answer.) He made a commitment to his ex-wife. They lived together I guess and eventually got married. She was good enough to marry, yet she ran around on him from what I understand.

I haven't done that and I'm not even married to the man.

Would I marry him now? No, I don't think so. He said a few years ago, and I quote, "Why ruin it?". Well hon, little do you know but when you uttered those words you killed something in the relationship or whatever in the hell this is that we have. (Good lord I sound bitter....hmmmm, maybe I am a little.)

Oh buddy, ole pal, ole roomie of mine.

It's been over 1-1/2 years since I've seen the ocean. I could live on the beach and sell tshirts or something for food (you've not seen my tshirt collection have you?). I could be a beach bum and be completely happy and content. I'd have the ocean to watch afterall.

So yes, I want to run away.

Wanna come along?