Sometimes you sit and wonder why life has turned out the way it has. And, you wonder why things were as they were…
Ok, so maybe I am not making sense here.
I am, and always have been, extremely self-conscious. Not sure when it started as I think I’ve always been this way.
So…let’s go back in time. Back to a time where a person experiences so much turmoil, angst, fear…yes, we are talking about high school.
My high school years were not fun. I went to no dances, no boyfriends – only one really good friend and that wasn’t even until my junior year. I was the kid that others laughed at, that they oinked at when I entered a room. I was the one who was chased by a car full of male classmates and called horrid, horrid names. I was mimicked by girls that I thought were my friends. Yes, the same thing that kids today go through – and I feel for them.
You see, it doesn’t go away.
Even though I am now an “older” adult, I still hurt. Yes, I was fat when I was young – and damn if I am not overweight again. Not as much as before, not even close (and here I go again….) but I could stand to lose weight.
But….
I am still me. I am still Sandy. And even at this age it’s so difficult to find people who will accept you for who you are and not what you look like. It’s like high school all over again, only worse – because some of these people are people that I care for, deeply. And, I do not, nor have I ever, judged them for their looks. I do not have that right.
I always thought if you truly loved someone that you loved them no matter what.
I can’t help the wrinkles – they come with age. No, I don’t like getting old, but I’m not ready for the alternative either. I know I know – I could lose weight. But why should I starve myself as I did in the past to try and make people like me? Isn’t that the most superficial thing ever?
No, I am not beautiful. I never have been. But I am me.
So, when you look at someone next time – look at them, not the outside but what is in their mind, their eyes, their hearts. Do not judge them because they do not look the way you might want them to look.
They look the way they are. It’s not who they are – it’s part of them, just part. Inside may be a loving, sensual, exciting, joyful caring person.
Give them a chance.
And if you can't bring yourself to do so...walk away. They are better off without you.
