Changes....

With time comes changes....

And I made a change - a big one.

One September 15th I purchased my first home. And, that same night I moved into it.

That same day I left someone I had been with for almost 17 years.

I think we both saw it coming. We had become "friends" and nothing more. No hand holding, no kisses on the lips (or with passion). He told me I was his best friend - which is great if that is all you want to be - but I thought we were supposed to be more, to be in a relationship.

I tried everything I could think of...I bought him things, I cooked I cleaned I took care of him...
Everything I could think of to make him love me the way I wanted, and needed to be loved.
But it never happened.

Within just a few years of the, well, whatever this was, started - it changed. No hugs, he flinched when I touched him. No intimacy at all.

And yet I stayed.

I loved him.

But then it changed even more....my life, besides working and taking care of the home, was spent in a room of the house - the office. Rarely did we sit in the same room and watch TV let alone talk to each other. He brought up the fact that his parents had slept in separate rooms - I drew the line with that one.

And then a couple of years ago I went on a trip with my sister. Something we had talked of doing for years. And after the trip he compared me to his ex - she had started taking trips with friends and ended up leaving him. That was when I looked at him different and made a decision that I had to work towards my own life.

And even up until the moment I left - had he said something, anything, to make me feel loved, needed and cared for - I would have stayed.

It didn't happen.

He said he would call, we would have dinner and talk. It hasn't happened yet - and I am not sure it ever will.

So, I now have my own home. A great small 3 bedroom house for me and the two kitties. I love it - it's mine. No more do I have to sit in that room and feel the walls closing in. No more do I sit in a home where someone else lived and feel so lonely that my heart was breaking. No more do I cry myself to sleep wishing it would get better.

Because it has.

This is mine - and this is my life.  And time to start anew.

Better late than never :)